Must love child geniuses

You know that feeling when you discover a thing for the first time and something just clicks? That endorphin rush accompanied by the realization that you’ve merely hit the tip of the iceberg and the rest of this whole new world awaits you?

This is how I felt when I watched the premiere of the new original series Child Genius. This is not a sponsored post (but I wouldn’t say no, Lifetime), I’m just genuinely passionate about child geniuses, albeit newly passionate, and can give you several reasons why you should add “gifted youths” to the interests section of your resume too.

Don’t cross them

The caveat here is that most of their parents are totally insane and should probably go to therapy for projecting their dreams on their innocent savant children who should definitely be playing outside or something, but let’s put that aside and pick it up another time when we aren’t distracted by the above adorable creatures who can take you to church via incredibly complex math equations in their sleep.

The show ushers 20 children between the ages of 8 and 12 through a competition of intelligence in the following subjects: Math, Spelling, Geography, Memory, the Human Body, U.S. Presidents, Vocabulary, Current Events, Zoology, Astronomy and Space, Inventions, Literature and the Arts, Earth Science, and Logic (thanks Lifetime website). And let me tell you: these kids know this shit so well you should start feeling bad about yourself riiiiiiiiiight: now.

Allow me to introduce a handful of these cherubs.

 This kid is 10 and has the entire US highway system memorized.  Look at that smirk. This is the face he made when you missed your exit yesterday IN YOUR OWN HOMETOWN. I watched the premiere with my friends Chelsea and Ryan and we couldn’t stop laughing over the concept of being lost in various random states (how random is Montana) and calling this kid for help. “Oh you’re in the backwoods of Kentucky? Yeah you’re gonna need to make a left.”

This little dreamboat is 10 and in college, obviously, with the goal of earning his PhD before he gets his driver’s license which the rest of us totally could do if we just waited to drive until we were 35 so it’s not that big of a deal.

This angel has an IQ of 146 and speaks 3 languages but Chelsea couldn’t stop commenting on how oddly long her fingernails were so we know where her priorities lie.

Katherine can memorize a deck of cards with the casualness I reserve only for the hungover retrieval of takeout orders.

I wish I could convey how tickling it is to watch little geniuses memorize enormous amounts of complex information, but it’s something you truly have to experience for yourself. When the especially young ones crack under the pressure you may feel a gentle tug on the old heartstrings. You may want to pause and reach through your screen and say, “Don’t worry little child! It will be okay! It’s just a game!” between sobs, but ultimately you have to remember that really they pity you and your tiny pea brain, not the other way around. So don’t let your emotions get in the way of your binge-watching and just press play.

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