When your 12-pound coat is boring the socks off you, you might find yourself reaching for the nearest clashing scarf in an attempt to liven up your winter palette. I wouldn’t discourage it, as I did that very thing this morning, but know that if it’s a mild 50 degrees, the moment you wrap that sucker around your neck your resting body temperature is officially sacrificed. In fact you may find yourself sweating profusely if you so much as sniff at physical exertion, but don’t let that stop you.
And underneath it all…
Boyfriend jeans, while treasured in my closet, can be a bit difficult (that is, beyond just the stupid name). I’d actually abandoned these ones at the bottom of my drawer for about a year, but in a harmonious turn of clothing reincarnation I re-discovered them a few months ago. Until recently my relationship with boyfriend jeans always favored the conceptual over the realistic. I loved them on other people and even in dressing rooms, but always found myself hemming and hawing and eventually ditching them when it came to dressing myself IRL.
Three things finally changed this pattern for me:
1. Ripping holes in the knees. On these babies I cut two slits in the knees and then went to town with a seam ripper. If you want to have the white horizontal threads in lieu of gaping holes, you need a seam ripper and some patience. Sorry about using the word gaping. Seam ripping, while slow, is kind of therapeutic, so I recommend you save it for the end of a stressful day. Since then the jeans just started falling better and also just generally looked kewler, as the kids say.
2. Cuffing them correctly. Rolling jeans is a science (listen up scientists!) and it’s taken me about 4 years to figure it out. Did you hear about the Jenna Lyons sleeve cuffing trick? If not, watch this. When I realized I could apply the JL double cuff to pants, it saved my relationship. With boyfriend jeans. It’s basically just one big fold, then one little fold halfway up the first fold. (You’ll notice I’ve done it on my shirt sleeves as well.) This makes my jeans taper more than just a double roll, and it’s a very secure fold so it doesn’t fall out.
3. Wearing tall heels. This seems obvious, but it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out that boyfriend jeans often made me feel frumpy because I was trying to wear them with flats. I’d often wear them on days I wanted to be comfy, which implied flat shoes, but once I ditched the loafers for 4-inchers my boyfriend jeans looked a million times better.
Also try washing them less as it helps them hold their shape better and wards off enemies.
Enough about the pants. Can we talk about the shape of this shirt?
I bought this ACNE Jetson button-down during a Net-A-Porter sale a few months ago. $110 for a button-down constitutes a weak moment, but I fell in love the moment that overpriced gray cotton very loosely grazed my body, and then it all felt worth it.
That is, until it ripped literally the second time I wore it, from a tug I can only describe as utterly benign. Friends and family told me (UNSOLICITED) that it was outrageous not to return such an expensive shirt if it rips that easily. But love is blind, as they say, especially when the retailer is out of replacements lovers, so I sewed it up instead.
The next time I donned my overpriced passion project (the same night the tap-dancing twins photo was taken) I made the selfish decision to order pesto pasta. Which I of course proceeded to dribble all down my front like a toddler. And as you all know, olive oil is famous for its staying power, which I exacerbated by washing and drying it a week later, sans TLC.
Since the cost was now sunk and I now considered my commitment to this shirt binding, I went online and found this insane how-to on getting rid of oil stains, which involves pouring WD-40 all over your clothes. Pretty cool huh? Nope, totally terrifying.
But it worked! On the 4 big oil spots, but it also created a new oil spot that I’m sorry to say is shaped like a penis. But you know what? 1 small phallic symbol is better than 4 misshapen blobs. And so me and my ACNE jetson lived pretty well ever after. Hey, at least I’m loyal?