After the spring shows screamed seventies at the tippiest top of their lungs, one might say the vigor with which I went after the nineties this week was soooooo 2014. And to that I say: how dare the fashion gods squeeze 20 cumulative years of fashion into 12 months with little to no consideration for our wallets!?
And the fashion gods might answer: fear not little one! The age of the trend is over! When a 1975 and a 1995 love each other, they might choose to kiss and touch and start a family. Be the harmonious lovechild! Be the rebellious stepson! Be the unconventional aunt! Be whoever you want to be!
To which I’d respond: you sound like a woodstock hippy in denial. But I’ll take it.
And so this week let’s explore two of my favorite early 90s archetypes.
We have your down-to-earth babysitter who collects Lip Smackers, loves Mary-Kate and Ashley, and watches Saved by the Bell with you after school.
And her bitchy twin sister who cuts class and smokes cigs under the bleachers with her leather-jacketed older boyfriend.
You babysitter, unconcerned with labels as she is, got her overalls at Target for $35. No bones about it. Her jacket is from Urban Outfitters and is 6 years old because she doesn’t see the point in getting another when this one works just fine. Her turtleneck was $13 from Gap, which she sensibly bought when her mom dragged her there last year to buy Gap sweatshirts for all the cousins. (It was winter, after all.) The boots are her sister’s from Zara because she left her only pair of shoes (white keds) at her friend Kim’s house last week.
Her moody twin sister, on the other hand, ditches church every sunday to thrift shop on Haight Street with nothing but her allowance in her pocket and her bestie Veronica on her arm. She found this Theory turtleneck sweater at Wasteland and it only cost $20. That shit was probably so expensive retail. She got her belt down the street from American Apparel because she always flirts with the guy who works there and she had to buy something. Her jeans are from Asos because the only thing cooler to her than a western seam is an accompanying acid wash. Her hat, also Asos, hides the eyerolls she’d otherwise get suspended for. And she’s sick of her sister stealing her Zara boots, but is comforted by the knowledge that she wouldn’t be caught dead stealing her Zara faux fur. Not her style.
Bonus: her sweater zips all the way up to the armpit so her boyfriend can easily feel her up after school.
So: who would you turn to on a dull Saturday?
Your babysitter will take you to see Mrs. Doubtfire and sneak M&Ms into the theater for you in her kanga pouch. Her sister will take you to a Radiohead show and hide a flask in the FUPA of her jeans.
All qualities considered, my current vote is babysitter.
But there’s no telling how I’ll feel tomorrow…
p.s. Would you believe me if I told you the complimentary nature of these outfits and poses was completely unplanned and happened three days apart from each other?